Unfortunately for MANY women (me included), survival mode isn’t a moment — it’s a way of life. Maybe it started with a toxic relationship (or two, or three-NO judgment here), financial instability, family dysfunction, or years of caring for everyone else while neglecting your own needs. Over time, your body learns to read the room, prepare for Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde, and push through exhaustion like it’s a personality trait.

You don’t even notice the tension in your shoulders anymore. You don’t remember the last time your jaw wasn’t clenched. Your nervous system operates like there’s a fire that never goes out. Your heart races, your breath stays shallow, your sleep feels more like battle than rest. You become hyper-aware, hyper-responsible, hyper-everything — because somewhere deep inside, your body has decided you’re never safe enough to let your guard down. You walk on eggshells as if the ground is laden with landmines.

AND people will say, “Why don't you just leave?”.

It is NOT that simple. They don't understand. They don’t see the way survival mode traps you. Sometimes the very thing that’s suffocating you is also the thing that’s keeping you alive. That toxic job is still the paycheck that keeps the lights on. That relationship is still the roof over your head. That family member who tears you down is still the one you think you need as the bottom is falling out.

For me, I didn’t stay because I wanted to. I stayed because I didn’t see another way. When you’re already living in survival mode, you can’t just flip a switch and walk away. Sometimes the choice isn’t between 'stay or leave'. Sometimes it’s between 'sink or tread water'. And so you tread and tread and tread—even when your lungs burn, even when your body screams for rest—because going under isn’t an option.

But here’s the shift: survival isn’t the same as living. At some point, I realized I owed myself more than just barely hanging on. I owed myself PEACE. I owed myself freedom. I owed myself the life I’d been too scared to imagine. I deserved to be in a home where I was safe. My comeback was personal.

My comeback was an apology to myself for putting up with shit I didn’t deserve. For swallowing pain in silence, for calling it 'strength' when it was really just survival. It wasn't loud or flashy. It was quiet. It was steady and still is. It’s me pulling myself out of survival mode one breath, one choice, one boundary at a time. It’s the slow, stubborn climb back to myself. And it’s the apology I thought I’d never get—coming from me, TO me.

And, everyone's situation is different, I know. I have been through this situation in different ways TWICE - once when my son was just over a year old and I had to get out of the marriage for both our sakes, and a second time to finally break free from a loved one's severe alcohol addiction.

From Fearless Females Society narrated by Jennifer Lawrence: A woman who stays silent after being disrespected, that's the one you should truly watch out for. Silence doesn't mean weakness. It shows control, patience, and power. While others react in anger or frustration, she holds back, she observes, she thinks, and she plans. She knows that words spoken in anger are reckless and that silence gives her the clarity to move with purpose. When a woman stays quiet, it doesn't mean she's ignoring what happened. It means she doesn't need to prove anything with words because her actions will speak louder. When the time is right, she understands something most people don't. Respect isn't demanded; it's earned. And those who underestimate her, they almost always regret it. True strength is in self-control. When she doesn't react to disrespect, it's not fear, its strategy. She's choosing her battles, waiting for the right moment. And when she acts, she does so with intention, precision, and power. So don't mistake silence for surrender. The quietest woman in the room might just be the most dangerous one.

From womenshealth.gov: You may not think you are being abused if you're not being hurt physically. But emotional and verbal abuse can have short-term and long-lasting effects that are just as serious as the effects of physical abuse. Emotional and verbal abuse includes insults and attempts to scare, isolate, or control you. It is also often a sign that physical abuse may follow. Emotional and verbal abuse may also continue if physical abuse starts. If you have been abused, it is NEVER your fault.

You can get through it because you deserve to feel safe, free, fully alive and to live in peace. Survival may have shaped you — but it doesn’t have to define you. Again, I AM one of these women and I am still a work in progress... And if you feel stuck, ask for HELP from someone you TRUST*.

Do it scared. Do it tired. Do it anyway.

Love always,

Kate

*And please, please, please reach out if your situation is very serious.

National Domestic Violence Hotline:

Call: 800.799.SAFE(7233)

Text START to 88788

Website: thehotline.org

Now, cupcakes.

Cupcakes with Coffee Style:

Cupcakes are tiny acts of joy—soft, sweet reminders that life doesn’t have to be big or perfect to be worth celebrating. They’re the reward after a hard day (mid-day, if necessary), the comfort during a messy one, and pure bliss in edible form. Paired with a good cup of coffee, they’re not just dessert—they’re a moment of pause, a little cheer, and sometimes, the reason you keep going.

YOU HAVE CHOICES! One step at a time...

Set up your moka pot for this cupcake, make it strong and try some of these HOMEMADE! creamers. I will say I am definitely not a fan of 'flavored' creamers because I actually like the flavor of coffee. Store bought flavored coffee creamers are, well, DISGUSTING. See my tidbit below.

So, go HERE for a recipe that uses a handful of simple, whole ingredients which will only takes 5 minutes out of your day to make. It's not just vanilla folks. There are recipes for THIRTEEN flavors on the site.

A little tidbit:

Store-bought creamers are loaded with sugar and calories and all those artificial flavors, sweeteners, and preservatives can contribute to health issues like obesity, diabetes, and high cholesterol. YIKES! Here is a sample ingredient list of just one creamer I pulled off the refrigerator shelf (and quickly put back): 

Ingredients: water, sugar, vegetable oil (sunflower oil and/or canola oil), and less than 2% of natural and artificial flavors, sodium caseinate (a milk derivative (not a source of lactose)), dipotassium phosphate, polysorbate 60, mono and diglycerides, color added, sodium stearoyl lactylate, sucralose, carrageenan, caramel color and yellow 5 and 6 (this last bit contaminated with benzidine that’s been linked with bladder cancer).

NEED I SAY MORE?

Survival Mode - You. Are. Dismissed. You’ve squatted in my life long enough. You barged in when the storms hit, and fine — I let you crash on the couch. But you never left. You took over my mornings, my sleep, my peace. You kept me braced for disaster. You convinced me joy was a luxury I couldn’t afford. You told me to keep running, keep hustling, keep fixing — or else. Guess what? I’m over it.

This is my house, my body, my life. And you? You’re out. I’m changing the locks. I’m letting my shoulders drop. I’m taking long, slow breaths that you can’t interrupt. I’m filling my space with quiet, laughter, and things that feel good. You taught me how to survive. Now watch me live.