Why I Will Never Marry Again - I Belong to Myself

Sorry, June brides, this may ruffle your veils, but here we go...

Let's get honest for a moment. Marriage, in its most outdated and absurd form, feels like a relic from a time when women were basically bundled into polite, lace-trimmed transactions and men were handed a wife the way you’d receive a complimentary pocket watch; useful, expected, and vaguely symbolic of adulthood. It’s the only tradition we’ve dragged into modern life where people still ask for your “hand in marriage” like we’re one powdered wig away from a land deal. We’ve updated phones, laws, and even how we order coffee, but somehow the idea of pledging yourself indefinitely (complete with archaic language and performative pageantry) still gets treated like the pinnacle of personal achievement. Strip away the flowers and curated playlists, and it starts to look less like romance and more like a very old script we keep performing out of habit, despite clearly having better, more flexible options. 

Throughout history, a marriage has been a business merger, a social contract, a survival strategy, a political alliance, a tax break, and now it seems, simply 'tradition' because everyone else is still doing it. The motivations behind marriage are as varied as the people who enter into it. But one myth still clings to the concept like gum under a park bench: the idea that marriage automatically grants ownership. Not before the wedding. Not after the wedding. NOT EVER. So why DO people marry? And why does the ownership mindset still linger? Let's break it down.

1. We Marry for Love… Mostly
In the modern world, love is the headliner. That fluttery, electric, 'I want to sit next to you on a plane for the rest of my life' kind of connection. The messy, hopeful, terrifying feeling that makes people want to build something together. But here’s where people slip: Love does not equal possession. Loving someone doesn’t mean stamping your name on their soul like a library book. Love is choosing someone, NOT owning them. Choosing them at your best and showing up for them at your worst. Choosing them again and again, even when the honeymoon phase has evaporated and real life looks like mismatched socks and untamed bills.

2. We Marry for Companionship
Humans aren’t designed to go through life entirely alone (even introverts and otroverts, like me, need company). Marriage gives people a companion for the late-night freak-outs, the big decisions, the boring Tuesday dinners, and the seasons of “I don’t know what I’m doing, but at least you’re here too.” But companionship isn’t ownership either. You can walk beside someone without trying to control the direction of their footsteps.

3. We Marry for Security
Financial, emotional, physical, and even cultural, sometimes. Security is a major reason people marry, even if they don’t admit it out loud. But security shouldn’t cost you your autonomy. If you have to shrink to fit inside the relationship, it isn’t security. It’s captivity dressed as commitment. Marriage should be an anchor, not a birdcage.

4. We Marry Because Society Screams You Should
Generations of people tied the knot because it was simply what you did. The next expected square on the life bingo card. Your parents ask. Your friends ask. Your coworkers ask. Even strangers think they get a vote. But let’s be clear: A wedding ring should not be a leash handed to someone else’s expectations. Your life is not a community project. You don’t owe anyone a marriage certificate.

5. We Marry Because We Want a Witness
There’s something powerful about saying, “Hey, I want you to see me completely (the good, the bad, the feral) and stay anyway.” Marriage can be a declaration of vulnerability and trust. But vulnerability does not equal surrender. But sometimes you lose yourself in marriage as you merge your life with someone else’s while clinging to the idea of staying whole. Two people. Two identities. Two minds. Two bodies. Two humans who belong to themselves first.

6. We Marry Because We Hope
Hope is one of the most underestimated motivators. We hope for joy, for family, for a shared future, for healing, for stability. We hope we won’t repeat the mistakes that taught us too much. We hope this time it will be different. But hope should not become a justification for accepting disrespect, control, or emotional imprisonment. You hope for a future together while still holding onto your right to individuality. This was me (and I wanted a child) and the minute we said I DO, I felt the trapdoors close. Loudly. I was legally bound to another person. 

7. We Marry Because We Want Children

One of the hardest truths for me to admit was that part of the reason I got married was that, at the time, it still didn’t feel socially acceptable to have children out of wedlock. I wanted children more than I wanted the marriage itself, and back then, those two things felt tied together, whether I liked it or not. So I did what many women quietly do—I chose the “acceptable” path because it seemed safer, more stable, and more approved of by society. On paper, it made sense. Marriage looked like the responsible decision. Shared finances, shared parenting, a structured home, and the image of stability people praise from the outside. But what nobody talks about enough is that practicality alone cannot hold a relationship together when the emotional foundation underneath it is weak. If two people are not deeply aligned in how they communicate, parent, handle stress, and move through life together, resentment eventually fills the gaps that love and friendship were supposed to occupy. And once children arrive, the cracks don’t disappear—they usually widen under the immense pressure. I don’t regret having my son for one second - he is exactly what I wanted. Still, I do think society spent a long time convincing women that marriage itself was the prerequisite for being a good mother, instead of asking whether the relationship was actually healthy, peaceful, or emotionally safe to begin with.

If marriage costs you your freedom, it is not love. If marriage requires your obedience, it is not a partnership. If marriage erases your identity, it is not healthy.

You belong to yourself. Your partner belongs to themselves. The relationship is something you build together, not something you own. It can literally take 5 minutes to start a foundation with a small filing fee made out to said "government" (sigh) and sometimes to said "attorney", but take months, years, even, and a whole lot of money to divorce... So if you must, take that 50% gamble (or up to 70% for the next go around) because society said so.

My whole point really is that the idea of one person 'owning' another is ancient and unnecessary. Yet it still shows up, quietly, in comments like "my husband would never let me" or "my wife better not" and "my wife will kill me". And alas, my favorite: "I'll need to ask for 'permission' first." I can hear my blood boiling now... It sneaks into relationships as jealousy, control, emotional manipulation, monitoring, and entitlement. NEVER AGAIN. Marriage is not a deed. Your partner isn’t a house you’re paying off over 30 years. Marriage is a partnership. Not a possession. It’s a shared life. Not a merger where one side acquires the other. 

SO, for those who do choose to marry, this is what marriage should be in all its healthiest ways:

• a friendship with a heartbeat
• a safe place to land
• a team effort
• a collaboration of two independent minds
• a sanctuary, not a sentence
• the choice you make every day, not a contract you hide behind
• the promise to grow by someone’s side, not to shrink under their control

It’s two people saying, let’s face the world together, NOT because we have to, but because we want to. You should not only love this person, but also LIKE them. Really like them. And you HAVE to laugh. A LOT.

"Getting into a marriage may seem like a good idea, but so was getting on the Titanic, and look what happened there." —unknown

"Love and marriage, love and marriage. Go together like a horse and carriage. This I tell ya, brother. Ya can't have one without the other." —Frank Sinatra

Love, Kate

Now. Cupcakes.

Cupcakes with Coffee Style:

Cupcakes are tiny acts of joy—soft, sweet reminders that life doesn’t have to be big or perfect to be worth celebrating. They’re the reward after a hard day (mid-day, if necessary), the comfort during a messy one, and pure bliss in edible form. Paired with a good cup of coffee, they’re not just dessert—they’re a moment of pause, a little cheer, and sometimes, the reason you keep going.

Cupcakes with Coffee Style:

An afternoon coffee is permission — to sit, to breathe, to collect your thoughts like loose papers scattered across your mind. It’s a small ritual of self-trust, a reminder that even on busy days, you can choose a moment of stillness. And sometimes, that small, steady pause tastes better than anything else.

A little tidbit:

Coffee bars have quickly become one of the most popular wedding reception additions, and for good reason. While a traditional coffee carafe may check the box, a dedicated coffee bar elevates the experience for your guests and adds another interactive element to your celebration. It:

• Creates a Memorable Wedding Experience
• Helps Improve Guest Flow During the Reception
• Offers a Festive Alternative to Alcohol

ENJOY!

Marriage is the only socially celebrated contract in which two people stand before friends, family, and a disturbingly confident officiant to declare, “I choose this one human to share snacks, a bathroom, and mild resentment with until death or Wi-Fi issues do us part.” It’s a lifelong group project where one person reads the instructions and the other insists they “get the concept,” and somehow you both still end up arguing about dishwasher geometry at 10PM. We dress it up in romance, call it destiny, and then spend the next 40 years negotiating thermostat settings as if it were a high-stakes international treaty. Honestly, it’s less a fairytale and more a very polite, legally binding roommate situation with tax benefits and matching monogrammed towels. 

But people marry for love, for comfort, for companionship, for tradition, for hope. And, no matter the reason, this truth remains. People are not property. Love is not ownership. Commitment is not control. Marriage is a partnership of equals, not the absorption of one life into another. And if we stopped trying to own each other, relationships might finally look like the thing they’re supposed to be: two people choosing each other, freely, without cages or chains. Just a true connection with love and laughter in spades.